On, Off

It was fine.
It was not ok. 
One day it was ok.
Fine even. Hopeful. 
One could think that life would be fine forever. Fun even.

But then the even became odd, uncomfortable, hurtful. 
The even became uneven.
The evening became a dark night 
of black hole that wouldn’t let up. 
Wouldn’t yield to prayer. 
Wouldn’t seek the light of day. 

Then day came and I wondered 
if it was my imaginings. 
After all, breakfast was as usual. 
Kids went to school.
His work was at a place of learning and I had my occupations. 

I questioned incorrectly. 
I questioned without knowing
all the ways to question. 
I questioned 
any way I could in that moment. 
Now I know better, 
but still, it could be better. 

Time to forgive?
Time to understand 
you only knew what you knew? 
Time to understand 
your flailing ways that hurt me 
but you didn’t understand 
any more than I did?

It’s ok. 

It’s what got us here. 
Happy with new lives, 
new people to love.
More suitable to our being alive 
in this day. 

I celebrate the time we had, 
the learning we had. 
I hope you learned too.
I’m sure you did. 
I don’t care if it’s equal. 
It just is. 
And in it’s own way, it’s beautiful. 

Lynette Hensley